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An evolving identity

Steadman (2023, p. 53) describes a teacher educator’s identity as ‘uncertain and complex’ but asserts that it is through the very act of delving more deeply into our identity that we allow our practice to evolve and develop. My move from class teacher to teacher educator provided me with ample opportunity to reflect on who I was as a professional, how I lived my values as an educator, and reconciling an earlier than anticipated departure from the primary classroom. During this change, I have and continue to experience what Ibarra (2023) terms a process of ‘reinvention’.

It is without doubt that my greatest phase of reinvention began the day I sat among my fellow professional doctorate in education (EdD) cohort for the first time on an evening in early October 2022 and continues to this day. Indeed, the first phase of the professional doctorate feels to me what Ibarra (2023, p. 51) calls the in-between period ‘in which we bring our possible selves tentatively into the world’. Over the course of the first two years, I was guided through taught modules that supported me in developing a better understanding of myself, as well as who and what informed that self. As a result, I look ahead to the next stage with a more secure awareness of myself as a person, a professional, a student and a researcher than I have ever had.

Collaborative professionals

Wellington and Sikes (2006) affirm that committing to an EdD ‘is not just a matter of “taking a course”’. Indeed, the community of doctoral students, early career researchers and experienced academics of which I am lucky to call myself a member affirms, for me, the value of the collaboration synonymous with the professional doctorate. Hodgkin et al. (2024) support this in their assertion that EdD students are more likely to place emphasis on the pastoral nature of their cohort, with the research coming second to collegiality. I know that I have found huge support, comfort and understanding in the professionals that I work and study alongside, which is evidenced simply by our continued desire to come together to write, socialise and collaborate on other projects. In this way it has created what Hargreaves and O’Connor (2018) might describe as the perfect environment for collaborative professionalism itself.

Learning to learn (and unlearn)

One of the most significant parts of the doctoral journey is the process of learning to learn, and to learn deeply. What this means to me is in some ways a process of unlearning or, at the very least, re-evaluating what once felt certain. In this sense, being a doctoral student is being caught in the constant paradoxes of creative learning: ‘mindfulness and mind wandering, openness and sensitivity, solitude and collaboration, play and seriousness, and intuition and reason’ (Kaufman & Gregoire, 2016, p. xxxiv). In order to learn in ways that will provide deeper insight, forge valuable connections and influence vital change, we must attempt to both learn and unlearn what we thought we knew; embracing the uncertainty and risk that what we believed was fact may just have been a fiction all along.

‘We must attempt to both learn and unlearn what we thought we knew; embracing the uncertainty and risk that what we believed was fact may just have been a fiction all along.’

Becoming brave

Simply put, the EdD has made me braver. I am becoming more myself every day. I am surrounded by inspirational professionals who continue to change the way I view my work life and education more broadly. I am more comfortable with embracing opportunities to learn, taking risks and, most importantly, accepting not knowing all the answers. My identity continues to evolve: the second part of a professional doctorate is indeed not without its challenges! However, I am better equipped for this evolution than I have ever been, and I am becoming braver in what this personal and professional transformation means to me every day.

References

Hargreaves, A., & O’Connor, M. T. (2018). Collaborative professionalism. SAGE.

Hodgkins, K., Davis, S., McInch, A., & Littlewood, J. (2024). Exploring the ‘learner journey’ of students undertaking a professional doctorate in Wales. Research in Post-Compulsory Education, 29(3), 408–427.

Ibarra, H. (2023). Working identity. Harvard Business Review Press.

Kaufman, S. D., & Gregoire, C. (2016). Wired to create: Unravelling the mysteries of the creative mind. TarcherPerigee.

Steadman, S. (2023). Identity. Bloomsbury.

Wellington, J., & Sikes, P. (2006). ‘A doctorate in a tight compartment’: Why do students choose a professional doctorate and what impact does it have on their personal and professional lives? Studies in Higher Education, 31(6), 723–734.